In 2016 when I was dreaming up my love filled business inspired by my beautiful daughter growing inside me I never stopped to think about the hurdles that may arise from a loss I never wished for.
When you decide to take the leap and delve into a business venture you navigate your way through numerous you tube videos, seminars, online courses trying to plan your world domination with a twinkle in your eye and a quiet confidence.
You start to write out your business plan on the backs of coffee stained note pads, trying to outline any problem that might pop up with manufacturing, shipping and other logistics so you feel like you have all bases covered but what about the hurdles they don't outline? How do you take a "personal day/week" from your own business that solely relies on you? How do you push on when your a one man band and you suffer a loss, have a bad day, have a child with needs that need your attention without notice?
November 2018 my partner and I lost our baby at 14 weeks, we had been trying for 8 months and it was a seemingly normal pregnancy in fact it was a dream. I remember having a new energy towards Frankie T and was excited to start using myself to model the maternity robes and share the news with other mums that I made bonds with through our page- it was our little community and I would congratulate them every time a new announcement came through. So when that bubble burst so suddenly I took a week off from the Restaurant that we own as I had staff that could support my hours for me, my partner pushed through even though there was no physical pain for him he felt every bit of that loss right there with me but he had no one to cover for him in his business- the show goes on!
People go through these struggles on a daily basis and no awards are handed out, no heroes prevail, it's a quiet struggle and this would have been the case if we hadn't announced our pregnancy on social media a week before to all of our friends and family after "the safe notice period". I am so glad we did though because despite an awkward run in with our barista who still thought we were pregnant, we did have a whole support network and women reaching out to me sharing their stories- friends of mine who I had no idea went through what feels like a lonely experience.
So how do you bring your focus to your business which is pages of beautiful babies glowing mums holding their bumps in glee, baby announcements on the daily from your business feed and women in your community online? I didn't use PLANN or any other scheduling system for our socials and god forbid I lose traction or consistency, would everything I had worked for move on while waiting for me to get my shit together? I would muster up pathetic captions through bleary eyes and hashtag my heart out yet I hadn't brought myself to shower or feed myself. Saving all my energy for my two year old daughter asking me when her baby brother or sister was coming was a heartbreaking process. We planted our baby in a lemon tree as a healing process for the whole family and stumbled my way through an explanation for our daughter Frankie, children are so resilient I have found.
There have been stages when I thought about closing up shop and came very close to but I started this business in my daughters name and I felt like I would be letting her down and I reached out to a female community online LMBDW and I was lifted up in support and during that time was everything I needed. Women in business from all over Australia offered their support and I am now working with some of them currently and will forever be grateful for their supportive hands.
So now we are learning to navigate through monthly cycles of fitting in time around our two business's, toddler and also a strict cycle timing our schedules perfectly in hopes of a positive result, once again this is something a LOT of women do on a daily basis all around the world, the women who are injecting themselves around board meetings for IVF, running to specialist appointments before their demanding schedules and constantly getting the single lines on their pregnancy tests- I salute all of you women out there and I would love to hear other women's stories about loss, hope and navigating motherhood and pregnancy whilst life goes on.
I will continue to post photo's of beautiful babies in our robes with their mummies standing proudly beside them because I love spreading bright happy images and I love sending out beautiful packages to mums who are just so excited to match their new best friend. This was really healing to put these words to paper I have never written a blog before, I didn't even finish year 9 of high school but if these words speak to just one other mum or open up a conversation within your community then I'm happy and if anyone wants to chat please reach out.
Love from Bianca and Frankie x